Doing well I think? after a year

I wasn't going to post anything on the year mark of Dad's passing, but it was really good and fun to read Mark and Dan's, and Shalee's blogs today-and it made me happy-thanks guys

I do miss mom and dad terribly but in a happy way. Dad was my hero and one of my best friends, I am sured we all feel that way. He was the awesomest awesome guy I know. Dan and Shalee had a great idea to get together tonight and have some of dad's favorite foods-I am looking forward to it and what a great way to remember him-to get together and hang out!!

Most of the severe, deep hurt for me has left. It comes from time to time but it is more mild and less frequently. I think I am transitioning into remembering and memories as Shalee mentioned. It is so fun to think about all the fun things associated with dad and it makes me laugh. Just last night Jason and I were talking about the hell-o-mighty box and dad's scrabble playing and trying to count tum as a word. Jason said that dad's argument was that if you have a bottle of tums that is plural. But if you just need one tum, you call it a tum because there is only one, not a tums. Anyway it was hilarious.

I think I drive my brothers crazy cause I want to hang out and spend time with them. I think it makes me feel comforted because I get to see more of dad's qualities in them, so I guess I like to try and hold on to that as much as possible-and I just like hanging out with them in general. (and Mark I have enjoyed our long distance texting relationship). Just know that I love you guys and I appreciate your brotherhood more than you will ever know-it gives me strenght. I know we are brother's but I also believe and hope we can be good/best friends-that is very important to me.

I have appreciated Melanie's strenght, love, and support over the past year. Over the past year she did some incredible things that I can't even believe sometimes. This year was defnitely the most trying year of our marriage and that is my issue. I was kind of a mess there for a few months and Melanie supported me in everyway possible even when she was having a hard time too. I love you. Our kids and my wife's needs were put a little low on the priority list due to the situation and I do wish I could have handled things better. I certainly wouldn't change anything related to the experience with mom because we had some very neat experiences and grew a lot, other than I wish I could have been a little stronger. I think we are getting back to a good place now. At any rate, back to dad.

Today hasn't been that bad for me. Joe (my father in law) invited me to lunch and when I got there my other two brother in laws were there too. That was cool, they asked how everything is and all that. I am glad to remember dad. I listen to the funerals often and for some wierd reason they give me strenght. What a guy. I run into people who will say how good of a person he was. I am glad they are together-that makes me happy. I know at times they are able to check in on us, I just wish I could feel it more, or just be able to chat with them or something. Anyway, dad is the man, I can't think of a time where he wasn't able to support, help, fix, or whatever, he was always there!! I just want him to know that I love him and miss him and think about him daily.